Memories in the Snow
by psycho chibbi
Summary: The fifth year anniversary of when Heero accidentally destroyed the apartment complex the little girl and her puppy lived in.  While brooding he discovers that he's not alone at the site.  A group of women and...  Quatre?  ONESHOT Angst Drama and 4x1?


Memories in the Snow

by: A psycho chibi named Wendy

A short lil story that I wrote on a whim.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing... Shocking, I know...

Warnings: Angsty goodness and a tad of drama. ONESHOT don't ask for more chapters

Pairing: 4+1?

Enjoy!

_fjfjfjfjfjfj_

It was that time of year again. A time where the colony was covered by a white blanket of snow. Why they bothered to have snow on the colonies no one really knew. Perhaps it was a mass nostalgia from the people that used to call earth home. Then again, maybe it was just because they could.

Those who created the colonies were basically placing the role of God upon themselves. This was their Eden, and they were going to manipulate it however they wished. Even though it looked rather odd for flowers to be blooming weighted down with snow.

Traipsing through the snow, a solitary figure was walking through a large field that border what looked to be ruins of a building long ago destroyed. His head was bowed low, and his hands were shoved deeply into his jeans pockets. A blur of thoughts were racing through his head as was forced to relive events that took place on this very spot five years ago.

The sounds of a young girl's giggling accompanied by a puppy's barking were soon followed by loud explosions and screams of terror. The sounds had been haunting him for so long it was now something he was more than used to. However it left him in a trance where his mind constantly poured over how things could have been different. Of what he possibly could have done differently.

"If.. If I had been better she would still be alive... All those people would still be alive..." he muttered in a low tone. He knew there was no point in thinking such things, but the images wouldn't leave him alone.

As he kept walking through the field, he paused mid stride when he saw he was about to step on a yellow buttercup. Stopping, he stared at the small flower for a moment before he stooped over to pick it from the ground. Standing straight, he examined the small flower quietly. He twirled it around in his fingertips slowly, watching as it caught the snowflakes in its delicate yellow petals.

It was like the one the little girl had given him all those years ago, and he couldn't help but wonder if the girl would have still given him the flower if she had know what he really was. "Probably would have run away screaming..." he whispered as he held the flower a bit tighter.

He was about to go on another silent tangent cursing himself for his own failure, but he froze when he hard something.

"Do you think these will be enough..?" a soft voice asked from off in the distance.

Snapping his head up, cobalt eyes narrowed deeply as they darted around for the source of the voice. It took him a moment, but soon he spotted a group of people off in the distance. It appeared to be a large group of women, each carrying a bundle of the wild flowers from the field. At first Heero wasn't sure what to think of it, but his heart suddenly thudded in his chest when he saw a young man dressed in a black suit with short blonde hair.

"Quatre...?" he whispered in confusion. Even though they were over a hundred meters away, Heero still recognized the pale Arabian. It confused him greatly since he hadn't seen the blonde since the defeat of the Barton foundation. Quatre's time was completely consumed by his family's business, and only Duo and Trowa had any contact with him over the years. Even that was rare.

"But why is he here...?" he asked himself on a whisper. The way everyone was dressed in dark colors one would they were going to a funeral. Now curious, Heero slowly crept towards them in an attempt to overhear what was being said as it was carried by an echo over the field.

Bending over to pick one last buttercup to add to the small bouquet he held in his hands, Quatre sighed deeply as he looked over at the women that surrounded him. "I don't think there will ever be enough... But this will do... Deanne and Karly wouldn't want us to pick all the flowers... Come on... Let's go on.." he called out to all of them as he began across the field towards the slag that was at the edge of the field.

Slowly, all the women followed Quatre across the field in a group. Some were crying while others were clinging desperately to one another for support. Heero watch all of it in confusion, but couldn't figure out what was going on. "They can't just be paying their respects... If looks as if they lost someone from that building..."

When that thought struck him it left Heero with a horrible pain in his chest. "That's it.. They must have lost someone in that building..." he whispered as he watched them proceed into the wreckage.

Needing to know more, Heero hurried across the field so he could see what they were doing. He got across the field in a few seconds, then hid himself behind a portion of a wall that was still standing. Peeking around the wall, he saw the procession led by the young man heading straight for an area that Heero knew all too well. _'That... That's where I found Mary... What are they doing...?' _

Before he had a chance to even guess, Quatre suddenly stopped on almost the exact spot where Heero had found the dead puppy on the snow covered ground. The blonde then turned to the women who had stopped behind him and looked at all of their faces. A sad smile formed on his pale lips as he took a deep breath and spoke. "The first thing that I would like to say is that I'm glad that all of us could make it here this year... I know it hasn't been easy for any of us to take time out of our lives to gather like this.. Even for something as important as this... But I feel we should be able to gather like this as often as we can from now on... We've never given ourselves a chance to mourn and heal as a family should..." He trailed off when one of the woman near the back of the group began sobbing harder and clutching tighter at the bundle of flowers that she held.

Not hesitating for a moment, Quatre calmly moved into the group of women that readily parted the way on his course for the weeping woman. The woman was wearing a dark blue winter dress, and her black curly hair was sparkling from the snow that had collected in it. Quatre moved to stand in front of her and tilted her chin up so he could look into her reddened blue eyes. "It's okay, Naya... They knew we loved them... And they loved us... We're not here to say goodbye to them.. We're here to remember them..." he told her gently as he brushed her hair out of her face.

His words combined with the warm gaze he had on her made the little restraint she had left crumble to dust. She lunged forward and shot her arms around his strong frame. The flowers she had been holding fell to the ground around them as she buried her face against his black winter coat.

Quatre wrapped his own arms around her trembling form, holding her protectively as she cried. His gaze went to rest of the women that had all gathered around them in a close circle. "We've lost a great deal over the past five years... Father... Irai.. Karly... And Deanne just months ago... We can't let what happened Deanne happen to the rest of us... It was because we weren't closer that we lost her, and I refuse to lose any more of you..." He pulled the woman still clinging to him away to hold her out at arm's length to look her straight in the eyes. "I want you to promise me..." He paused and looked at those gathered around him. "I want you all to promise me... That no matter what from now on everything that happens we deal with as a family... I want us to be able to go to one another for anything and not have any doubts or fears... Father taught us all to be strong... But he also taught us that family should always come first... So the best way for us to honor his memory and our sisters' memories is to stand together through whatever we may face in the future... Will you promise me that...?"

All of the women gather nodded even as tears streamed down their faces. "We promise, Quatre..." they all said as one.

Smiling sadly, Quatre turned his attention back to Naya and looked deeply into her eyes. "Naya...? Will you promise me that...?" he asked softly.

Naya looked into her brother's eyes for a moment before she nodded. "I promise, Quatre... I.. I just miss them.. It hurts so much... Why did they have to die...? Especially Karly..? She was just a little girl!" she cried out before clinging once more to him.

"Shhh... I know it doesn't make sense..." Quatre whispered as he rubbed down her back to calm her. "Things just happen that we can't control... But we've got to remember we weren't the only ones that lost someone in this place... And we weren't the only ones to lose someone in the war..." Letting out a deep sigh, Quatre pulled away from his sister once more so he could address everyone. "We should not only honor those we've lost, but everyone that has lost someone they loved..." Moving away from Naya, Quatre walked back to the place he had stopped when they arrived.

There he sat on his knees in the snow and gently rested the flowers still in his hand on the cold ground. He watched the petals move in the soft wind for a moment before he spoke again. "Let's make that our mission as we carry on with our own lives... To make sure those that are gone are not forgotten..." he finished on a whisper. He then bowed his head and closed his eyes as he gave himself a moment of silence to remember what used to be.

Looking to their brother as an example, the women moved around the destruction that surrounded them.

From his place behind the wall Heero watched with a sense of awe as each of the twenty-seven women picked a place to set their flowers and kneeled down to have their own moment of silence. As the minutes ticked by Heero felt his heart pounding in his chest as a horrible thought occurred to him. _'Karly... Could it be... That's the little girl I got killed...?' _It was a nightmare in itself that the girl died at all, but now Heero found himself facing what could be the family of that girl.

What was worse was that it was the family of someone he had once considered a friend and ally. _'I.. I have to do something...' _his mind eventually muddled out. He knew he couldn't risk upsetting the women any more than they already were, so that meant confronting Quatre.

Still on his knees, uncaring of the moist cold that was seeping into the cloth of his black pants, Quatre was picturing the good times that he had shared with his fallen family members. As the last words Irai said to him floated through his mind he felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder. Looking up, he smiled at his eldest sister that was looking down at him in concern. "Yes, Toria...?"

Unable to stop herself from smiling in return, Toria whispered quietly. "Quatre, it's getting colder... I'm going to take everyone back to the hotel.. I think we need time to reflect on everything you've said..."

Quatre nodded and placed his hand on top of hers. "You go ahead with the others... I'm going to stay here a bit longer... I'll be there soon."

Toria nodded and gently caressed her brother's face. "Okay... We'll be waiting for you..." Without another word she turned and began guiding her sisters through the wreckage to the row of vehicles that were waiting for them on the road near by.

Quatre watched them all load up into the cars and one by one head down the street until they had all vanished out of sight. Once they were all gone he let out the deep weary sigh that he had been holding back. He had wanted to stay strong in front of his sisters, but now that he was alone he felt the tears well up in his own eyes. "Hn.. And I made them promise to always go to each other... I'm not much of an example..." he mused quietly to himself.

Shaking his head, Quatre chided himself for feeling that way. "No.. I need to do this.." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a silver locket on a long chain. Holding it carefully in his hand, Quatre opened it to see a picture of a woman with short dark blonde hair holding a little girl with long hair of the same color. In the picture the two were smiling happily and hugging one another like a loving mother and daughter would.

He remembered the day the picture was taken. It was at a family reunion six years ago where he had gotten to meet his little niece Karly for the first time. He had instantly liked the small girl, and treated her like a little sister instead of a niece since only five years separated them. When he had learned of what had happened to his niece he was utterly devastated, but he found out the hard way that his sister took it worse than anyone ever realized.

He looked to the locket in his hand once more and saw images of himself taking it from a slack lifeless hand. "Deanne... How could you...?" he asked weakly. It made him shudder at the state he found his own sister, but before he could dwell over the matter he heard the sound of foot steps crunching in the snow.

He knew it couldn't be any of his sisters since he watched them all leave, so he glanced over his shoulder to see who was approaching. The moment he saw the deep cobalt eyes and the messy brown hair he shot to his feet in surprise. "Heero..? What are you doing here...?" he asked slowly, stuffing the locket back in his pocket. He hadn't seen the Japanese soldier for almost three years, and to suddenly face him now was far too strange to be a coincidence.

Heero paused in his trek towards the blonde to look at him carefully. Quatre had certainly grown taller over the years, probably an inch or two taller than himself. His shoulders were much broader than they were when they were pilots, but, although there were sharper angles, his pale face still had that youthful appearance as it always did.

Seeing that Quatre was awaiting his answer, Heero looked down at the flowers that were slowly being covered by the snow and gestured lightly towards them. "I think the same thing you're doing..." he said quietly.

Realizing what Heero was saying, a shocked expression fell over Quatre's face that was soon replaced by sympathy. "I'm so sorry, Heero.. Did you lose someone here in the accident too..?" he asked in concern.

A concern that tore into Heero's chest more efficiently than any knife could. "Not exactly... Quatre... I want you to do something for me..."

Confused at the strange tone in his former comrade's voice, Quatre took a step forward in curiosity. "What, Heero...?"

Not answering at first, Heero reached behind his back and under his jean jacket. There he pulled out the gun he always kept in the waist band of his pants and held it out to the clearly startled Arabian. "I want you to kill me..." he stated calmly as he looked into Quatre's wide aqua eyes.

"Kill you...?" Quatre repeated in shock. He couldn't believe Heero was saying this, but the gun that was being offered to him proved that he was serious. "Heero, why the hell would I want to kill you?"

"Because it wasn't an accident..." Heero started, his hand still holding out the gun. "There was a military base station next to this apartment complex... And I was sent to destroy it..."

Quatre's eyes grew wide when he figured out what Heero was telling him. "Then the explosion... The mobile suit crashing into the building... That was you...?" he asked on a faint whisper.

Heero nodded, but never took his eyes off Quatre's. "I made a miscalculation in placing the explosives... The aftermath hit the mobile suits that were positioned near the border of the base... It made one of them fall onto the building.. I saw the entire thing..." he admitted as calmly as he could. Although his face seemed blank, his mind and heart were racing out of control. This was it. This was the moment he had been waiting for. The moment when the little girl's death would be avenged, and it would be more complete now that he finally found her family.

"A miscalculation...? Heero, why are you just now confessing this...?" Quatre asked seriously. He wasn't really sure what he felt now that he knew the truth, but he needed to know more before he could make a decision.

A bit surprised that Quatre was taking all of this rather calmly, Heero figured that answering his questions was the least he could do. "There weren't any survivors to confess to... Had there been I'd be offering them the same chance I'm offering you..."

Seeing that Heero was offering a chance to seek vengeance for his family, Quatre found himself reaching out to take the gun. It was the first time he had held one in over two years, but it felt so familiar to his hands. As he looked over the worn details of the weapon he decided what he should do. "There was one survivor..." he whispered.

The fact that Quatre had yet to shoot him was confusing, but Heero became puzzled when he heard the whisper. "There was...? I don't remember seeing any survivors..."

The blonde head nodded as his fingertips ran over the cool metal in his grasp. "My sister Deanne... She had gotten home from work, and was walking into the building when it happened..." He glanced back up at the Japanese man that was watching him closely and continued. "She was left paralyzed from the waist down... Her nine year old daughter Karly was asleep in bed..."

"Karly..." Heero whispered faintly. "Where's your sister now...?"

"Dead..." Quatre looked back to the flowers he had placed on the ground and sighed deeply. "Losing Karly devastated her... She became reclusive, never talked to anyone for years... Then five months ago she sent me a letter telling me how she couldn't take it anymore..." His gaze moved up to the artificial sky above them as more tears streamed down his face. "I rushed over to her home as fast as I could, but by then it was too late... She had taken an entire bottle of painkillers... She had been dead a full day before I even got there..." he finished quietly. He could still remembered every detail of when he found her body in her bed. It had looked like she was merely sleeping, but it only took Quatre seconds before he figured out what she had done.

The pain he heard in Quatre's voice only convinced Heero further that this was the right thing to do. "Then do it... You have every right to, Quatre... Kill me..." To his surprise a soft smile suddenly formed on Quatre's face, but it quickly turned into alarm when the blonde placed the barrel of the gun to his own temple. "Quatre.. What are you doing...?" he asked warily. It looked as if Quatre was going to shoot himself instead, but that didn't make any sense at all.

Quatre closed his eyes and kept the gun pressed against his temple as he hummed softly. "Heero.. If I killed you I might as well kill myself... What you did was a miscalculation... You admitted that yourself... As far as I'm concerned that's still an accident... You didn't mean for it to happen." His eyes opened slowly to reveal a massive amount of regret and sorrow swirling within them. "However I knew exactly what I was doing when I destroyed that colony... I did it because I wanted to see it destroyed... I'm the monster, Heero.. Not you.. So I'm the one that deserves to die if one of us must..."

Speechless at how serious Quatre was being, when Heero saw the pale finger resting on the trigger he knew he had to say something. "But that colony was evacuated, Quatre! You didn't kill anyone!"

"Perhaps not..." Quatre conceded, but his finger didn't move from the trigger. "However I destroyed thousands of lives on that day... I might as well have killed them all... For all I know they may have even killed themselves like my sister did..."

"Quatre, stop... Please put the gun down..." Heero found himself saying with a near desperate hitch to his voice. This wasn't going at all like he had wanted, and if Quatre was truly serious it would mean another needless death on his conscious.

That little smile reappeared on Quatre's face when he heard the actual concern Heero felt. "I don't know if I should, Heero... If you believe so strongly that death is the punishment you deserve, then perhaps it's what I deserve too..."

"Quatre, what are you trying to prove?!" Heero asked in frustration. The knowing smile was grating on his nerves. It was like Quatre was enjoying the torture he was going through.

A soft chuckle left Quatre, but then in one fast motion he pulled the gun from his head and aimed it towards Heero. "It's simple, Heero..."

His heart nearly stopping, the next thing Heero heard was a string of shots fired in rapid succession. It barely took five seconds for the clip to empty, but Heero didn't feel anything. Startled, he looked down at the green shirt he had on under his opened jean jacket, but he didn't find a single mark on him. When he realized that he hadn't been hit, his attention shot up to the blonde who was still smiling. "You... Missed me...?" he asked slowly. It may have been a few years since Quatre had fired a gun, but his aim couldn't have declined that drastically.

The surprised question actually made Quatre laugh. "Heero, I wasn't trying to hit you..." he explained while popping the magazine out of the gun.

"Then what are you.. Hey!" Heero yelled when Quatre reared back his arm and threw the mag out into the wreckage. "What the hell did you do that for?!"

"So you can't use the gun, obviously." Quatre chuckled. "Now for the gun..." Before Heero had another chance to protest, recalling the years he spent field stripping all the weapons he had used, Quatre quickly took the barrel apart from the hand grip. Turning on his heel, he threw the two halves out into the distance in opposite directions to make it nearly impossible for Heero to locate.

Heero watched the pieces of his gun sail through the air, and heard them hit the ground several meters away. His eyes narrowed deeply as they glared in annoyance at the Arabian. "That was my favorite gun..." he grunted flatly.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Quatre let out a short sarcastic laugh. "I think you'll live, Heero. Especially now that I've gotten rid of the gun." he quipped lightly.

Not pleased with this turn of events, Heero let out a gruff string of Japanese curses under his breath. "Could you please tell me what the hell that was all about?"

A bit disappointed that Heero hadn't picked up on what he was trying to prove, Quatre sighed softly and decided to explain. "Heero, I'm not blaming you for my niece or sister's death just like you didn't hold anything against me for destroying that colony. You could have killed me back then for the damage I had caused, but you didn't... I had proven myself an unstable threat, yet you still traveled with me without protest. I don't know what you thought of me personally, but the fact you still trusted me enough to work with you during that critical time told me a great deal." he stated honestly. The fact Heero hadn't left him behind was one of the reasons he kept going during that horrible time in his life, if not the only reason. _'I owe it to Heero to help him now...'_

Although he wasn't sure he understood, Heero nodded slightly. "I see... So.. What does that mean now...?" He was still going to place his fate in Quatre's hands, despite the merciful reprieve that was bestowed on him. _'It's like the Alliance pacifists all over again...' _he thought lightly.

Seeing that Heero wasn't going to leave it at that, Quatre sighed softly and thought for a moment. It was then he remembered the locket in his coat pocket. Fishing the silver necklace out again, Quatre looked at it as he came to a decision. "Heero.. Did you hear anything I said to my sisters when they were here...?"

Heero nodded, but was curious. "Yes.. I heard most of it.. Why?"

Not answering his question, Quatre closed the space between them. Once he was close enough he held up the locket by the chain, and gently placed it around Heero's neck. Once it was in place he took hold of Heero's right wrist and had him take hold of the locket. "Deanne never went anywhere without this locket... Our father gave it to her on her sixteenth birthday, and ever since she had Karly she always kept a picture of her in it... She was holding it to her chest when I found her body..."

Heero opened his hand to look at the delicate circle silver locket that had a picture of two doves nuzzling together engraved on it surrounded by an intricate ivy pattern. "I... I don't understand..." He looked up at the blonde in confusion. "Why are you giving this to me...?"

"Because, Heero... It's obvious to me that you feel true remorse for what happened here..." He gently cupped Heero's face in his hands and looked deeply into the wide cobalt eyes. "Killing you won't bring back my sister or her daughter... But you can keep their memory alive..."

"Keep their memory alive...?" Heero frowned slightly, but didn't pull away from the hands on his face. "How can I do that...?"

Pleased that Heero was listening, Quatre continued. "By learning about them... Finding out what their dreams were, what they hoped to accomplish... Not just Deanne and Karly, but everyone that lived in this building... Everyone that we've faced throughout the war... All of their families and loved ones..." He brushed his thumb across the chilled skin of Heero's cheeks and smiled gently. "Then you spend every moment of the rest of your life striving to make sure you don't forget them... To make sure everything you do from now on betters yourself and everything around you in their honor... You make that your mission, Heero..." he finished on a whisper.

It made sense to him, but Heero had one more question. "But where do I start...?"

"That you have to figure out for yourself, Heero, but just know this..." Quatre leaned in closer to the point where their lips were just barely brushing together as he spoke. "I'll be there for you if and whenever you need me..." He then pressed their lips together in a tender chaste kiss.

Heero nearly choked on his shock, but he allowed the kiss to continue. It was the last thing he expected, but he still drew a sort of comfort from it that warmed the chill that had settled over his heart. When Quatre pulled away he was left with a slew of new questions. "Quatre.. Why...?" He found himself cut off when a single finger pressed against his lips.

Still smiling, Quatre shook his head before he stepped away. "No questions, Heero.. No more words... Now's the time for you to reflect... Search your heart for what to do... You'll figure out the best way... I have faith in you..." Turning from Heero, Quatre began walking away at a slow steady pace through the snow. "You know where to find me if you need me." he called out as he headed towards the street.

As the warmth from the closeness of Quatre's body left him, Heero watched the Arabian leave. There was no car parked on the street, so it was clear that he was going to walk to where ever his sisters were staying. Heero stood there as the black clad figure went along the sidewalk, moving with a casual ease that almost looked as if he were strolling through a park on a spring day. It was confusing yet alluring at the same time.

Once the blonde was well down the street, Heero looked around the snow covered ground as he thought over what all was said. Quatre didn't blame him for what happened even though he had every right to. Spared his life, and gave him something that was once precious to his sister.

Now that he thought of the locket, he looked inside his hand at the dainty piece of jewelry. He opened the locket with his thumb and took a look at the pictures inside. On one half there was a picture of a newborn baby wrapped in a pink blanket, and on the other he saw a woman holding a small girl close to her.

As he suspected, and feared, it was the same girl that had given him the flower all those years ago. She was even wearing the same white hat as she did that day, which told him that it was the most recent picture of her. Her face had faded in his memory over time, but now with the picture he could remember every detail as if it happened only yesterday.

It was then that he finally understood what Quatre was trying to tell him. "I have to stay alive... To make sure they aren't forgotten..." he whispered.

Closing the locket, Heero held it firmly to his chest a took a deep shuddering breath. "I won't forget you... Karly..." Now that he had a name to go with the face, and knew the family she was born into, it suddenly felt like Heero had known her. Like she had been his own niece, or maybe even a sister. It made the mournful feelings he had buried deep within him brought to the forefront, and with those feelings tears soon began welling up in his eyes.

He didn't fight the tears as they rolled down his face, and he made no move to wipe them away. Crying was part of the healing process, and, as Quatre had pointed out, he was hurting just as much as Winner family. That left him with what he should do now. As he lightly pondered where he should really start, Heero noticed there was something in his left hand. Lifting it, he saw it was the yellow buttercup he had picked when he first set out on the field.

He looked at the flower for a moment before his attention was caught on the bundle of flowers that Quatre had sat on the ground. Moving to where the flowers were placed, Heero knelt down and sat the flower he had next to the ones Quatre placed. "I guess this is as good a start as any..." he whispered while bowing his head for his own moment of silence.

He took a moment to play the day he met Karly over in his mind, then he thought of the grief her mother had to have gone through. That in turn led him to picture the horror Quatre had have gone through when he discovered his sister after she had committed suicide. However the kiss that the soft spoken blonde gave to him told him that he had been forgiven. How a person could forgive such a thing he had no clue, but it only made sense for Quatre to be that person.

Now he was left thinking over what Quatre told him to do. "I have to make it my mission in life... My mission..." He looked toward the sky in the hopes of finding the answers written there. The falling snow kissed his face and melted to mingle with the tears on his cheeks.

'_I have faith in you...'_

The words echoed in his head like a soft wind chime, and he found his answered carried along with it.

A true smile pulled onto his cold lips as he clutched the locket to his chest.

"Mission accepted..."

_fjfjfjfjfjfj_

The End

Never forget.

Later


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